Get Some Cooling

I’ve just realised that…I haven’t been to the cinema all year. That’s pretty nuts, although there are reasons why I missed all the big ones. Inedibles 2 was when my friend’s baby was born and I had to look after the dogs for over a week. Everyone said Dark-ish Jaguar could be skipped (and I was studying anyway), and then I was in hospital with glandular fever for Infinite Snore.

And I suppose there’s the fact that the Keymore cinema really sucks. It’s the actual worst. First, it’s really stuffy in all of their theatres, and it’s like they haven’t heard that there are air conditioning experts operating in Melbourne who will come and make it so people want to sit in there. Thing is, Keymore is a limpet on Melbourne’s edge, clinging to the side and officially ‘Melbourne’, but it’s so huge and remote that people often forget. You have to drive through kilometres of fields before you get to the town centre, which is part of the reason I haven’t seen any movies. I can either go to the non-air-conditioned hot-boxes, which are uncomfortably close even in winter, or I can drive over half-an-hour. Just haven’t had that much time.

It’s not just their lack of proper air con, of course. Their food is terrible, and the seats are all somehow sticky and rough, full of holes like they haven’t been replaced since the 70s. Probably not.

And while I don’t want to keep coming back to this, trying to take ice-cream in there is impossible. It melts before the trailers are even halfway done. Just…please, some kind citizen gift the Keymore cinema with an air conditioning service for Christmas. That’ a base requirement, but new seats and brand-name pick and mix would go down great as well.