Best Tiptoe Around Tulips

I’m genuinely surprised at this point that flowers and plants don’t rule the world. I know some people treat it as a war, with man against nature. That’s why there’s so much deforestation, and the rainforests are disappearing. In his attempt to destroy the beasts, the man becomes, himself, a beast.

Oh, that’s good. I should write that in my journal, and one day it will be discovered and I’ll achieve viral fame on whatever information sharing network exists in the future. I mean, it’s not brilliant, but it’s the type of thing that’ll resonate with twelve-year-olds who want to feel like they’re wise and deep. I’ll take it.

No, but really. People actually go online and purchase tulip bulbs for sale, and they come with all these instructions. I suppose that’s for when they’re planted in man-made gardens. But then you look at nature, and all these flowers just going about their business, growing wherever they like and sustaining themselves, and it’s like wow…they’re so kind to us. One day, the tulips could rise up, spread their seeds all over the place and then the world would belong to the tulips. Maybe they’d ally themselves with the petunias and hyacinths, and they’d be an unstoppable force. Maybe that’s genuinely where we’re heading: to a place where plants get sick of our foolishness and decide to take matters into their own hands.

So yeah, might be good to prepare ourselves for that. It’s nice that we’ve invited flower bulbs into our homes and allowed them to live alongside us, but maybe even that is a sort of recon mission, to see how we perform and if we can clean up our environmentally-unfriendly ways. Oh, such ways.

We’d better be careful. One more slip up, and all those standard roses for sale online? Their patience will run out, and then it’s out of the store shelves and into a position of ultimate political power. I, for one, welcome our new Rose Overlords.