Oh, I love how deviously evil I am. Flying monkey attack! What will I come up with next? That’s right, Dr Dark McBane is behind the monkeys plaguing Melbourne streets at the moment. Although I stole the idea from some random person’s blog, it was only my genius mind that could make it come to fruition. Some may wonder why I would want to ruin the lives of Melbourne citizens with an army of flying monkeys. The answer is quite simple. When you can’t go outside, for fear of being attacked by screeching monkeys, you can’t get repairs for your blocked sewer drain. Oakleigh, Caulfield and all other Melbourne suburbs cower before my wickedness!
Now, what does a mad scientist like myself have to gain from stopping drainage repair across Melbourne? It’s quite simple, actually. I’ve invented a new device that repairs drains for you, which I will have delivered to your house by the flying monkeys. All you have to do is pay me five hundred dollars. I’m a genius!
Of course, it’s possible that this will stand in the way of even the simplest blocked sewer fix. Melbourne may just have to go without repairs, causing a massive hygiene problem across the city, but that’s also fine. It just means the city will be ripe for being taken over. After all, nobody wants to vote for Premier Norris in the upcoming election. He’s not going to fix any of the sewer problems. That’s why, when I run for premier, I’ll promise to repair all the damage done in no time, using my army of flying monkeys to do the work. One way or another, this city will be mine.
What else will I do when I’m elected into office? Well, the first thing will obviously be to get rid of the Superhero Training Academy. That way nobody will rise up to oppose my tyrannical rule. Then I’ll probably go on holiday or something. Politicians like to do that, right? Seems like a responsible way to spend time while in office. I’m going to be a great premier.