The Perfect Present

Presents are difficult. Monique and I have been going out for almost three years now, which is long enough for me to know that she’s never happy with anything, and I’m useless at picking stuff. We got together on her birthday as well, so that’s double trouble. An anniversary AND a birthday, and Monique has made it clear that if I even think about combining presents, she’ll fill my car with the wrong fuel while I’m asleep. And if I try to propose to her as a surprise, she’ll slash my tires and THEN fill my car with the wrong fuel.

And now she’s hinting that she wants a leather slouch bag, and I’m like…aargh, maybe. First off, I had to look up what that was. Now I know, which you think would be half the battle, but it’s not. It’s, like…maybe 5% of the battle. And I bet if I went and bought one it probably wouldn’t even be the right type, but that’s not the problem. I asked my friend, Chad, who’s been dating this girl for years now, and he said that handbags are super personal and he’d never buy one for his girl because she likes to pick out her own, and he thinks I’m nuts to even look for one. But Monique has been hinting REALLY strongly. Like, last time we were out shopping she dragged me to the window of a bag shop and pointed through the glass at what I think was a slouch bag and said that it was really nice and she’d LOVE it if someone bought her one.

That was my first clue. Luckily there have been others, so I’m about 80% sure at this point that it’s what she wants. If only I could remember which one she was pointing at, specifically. I’ve looked online, but to my eye they’re all black leather bags. I feel like Monique when she tries to describe a car to me. “It’s a red one. Big. Red. Large-to-medium size.”

Maybe I should take her shopping for her birthday. Or…just ask her to pick a handbag online? She DOES hate surprises…